Saturday, 14 November 2009

Is love possible?

There comes a point when suddenly, you feel like you need a bigger purpose. That what you do every day is not enough. You aren't happy with the average friends and the average life.
When you look closer, it's not your life that's the problem, it's what's missing from your life. You have been so caught up with your career, friends, family, money and other people that you haven't given yourself any thought. You haven't taken a moment to think what you really want from life. But you know what you want. You want to be loved. That's all anyone ever wants. To feel so close to someone. To feel complete.

You never think you will fall in love until it hits you. It hits you with a thousand electrical volts running through your heart. Before this, you felt so alone. The aching pain of being alone was almost killing you. You thought nobody would ever understand, nobody could ever feel what you feel.
You looked everywhere for a version of you in the opposite sex. You tried to pick him out of a pack of clones. You looked for someone, not believing you were ever going to find him. You gave up, not only on yourself, but on the idea of being truly happy. You asked yourself if you ever even deserved to be loved.

 I mean, who would want somebody who doesn't even love them self? Somebody who is so insecure, who doesn't believe in them self.

After you gave up all hope, you carried on with your life. You carried on asking yourself whether it was your own fault. Whether you were doomed for a life of longing for, but never having the the true feeling of love.
Never experiencing those magical moments, those intense emotions. You carry on with your life, showing a great disinterest in things you used to love.

 If you have nobody to share them with, why do them?

You stay with your mediocre life, knowing that it's not good enough for you. You just don't have the guts to do anything about it. You're so scared of the big bad world, you can't face it. Time passes you by, you get comfortable. You don't notice the feeling of loneliness as much because you're so used to it. You carry on befriending those average, boring people. Having average, boring conversations. Everyone becomes the same person, they are clones. Each one as selfish as the next.

At least that's how it seems to be.

After trying so hard to pick out the one, you have no problem with analysing people. You start to realize that you may not have looked as deep as you thought. There's that one. You already knew him, quite well. Maybe you've always tried to deny it, tried to put your findings to one side. But somewhere inside you, you've known all along that he's not like the others.

Is it possible that this person could understand you? You find yourself listening to him, paying attention. At first you try to rationalize, you tell yourself that you're supposed to listen to people, it's normal. But not like this, you've never cared about what other people have had to say before.
You ask yourself what these feelings are. You try so hard to push them to the side.

'Why would anyone be interested in me? There's no point in trying. I don't deserve to be loved.'

But then something happens, something unexpected. He realises that you're paying attention to him. He sees that you listen. But what's most surprising is that he responds well to his findings. He's showing an interest.

How can it be that somebody who you didn't think you were worthy of is showing an interest in you?
You try to push it further, you have nothing to lose. It works, something is blossoming. For a while you try to find reasons why it won't go any further, not to get your hopes up. But each day that goes by, you find another reason to like him, another reason why he stands out from everyone else. He continues to respond, the game goes on. After a while you stop, you give yourself time to catch-up with this whirlwind of events.

'Have I fallen for him? How has this happened? This doesn't happen to me!'

You're hooked, you have been since day one. You just didn't realise it. Now that you've dared yourself to take a risk, you take more. You begin to change your life for the better. He's that breath of fresh air that you needed. He's flipped your world upside-down and now it makes so much more sense to you.

It's possible to find love, you just have to open yourself to the concept of it. It is then that you find true love.